Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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