I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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