Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
