she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
