Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
