there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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