'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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