first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
