I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
