I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
