He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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