sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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