Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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