I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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