Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
