i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize