Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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