This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
