Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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