You're completely useless in the revolution.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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