Christians are straight up FREAKS
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
