the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
