I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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