they need to just BURY HIM!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
