I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
