Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
