another moral hangover. fuck.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
