I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
