I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
