I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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