I accidentally burped into my bong.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
