You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
