i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
