yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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