From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize