oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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