dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
