My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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