Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
