I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
