dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize