I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
