No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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