if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize