I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
