Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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