there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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