tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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