Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
