I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
