just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
