i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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