He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
