the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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