I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
