Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
