You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What drink are we having for lunch?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
