Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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