plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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