I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
