We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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