Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
