I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Found your dick twin last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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