the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
