I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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