Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
