When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
