how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I understand Curling. That high.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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