Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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