I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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