I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
