i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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