If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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