i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
