I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize